1. |
New Years Eve
03:35
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It’s usually something I don’t usually say but I think I might say it anyway I thought seen as though it’s new years eve I’ll just tell you this and go away When midnight strikes and the sun comes up I’ll most likely be alone Just want to tell you that I think of you even by the crackle of a mobile phone
They say that love is a doing word if you love someone let em know
But it’s alright cause I don’t even like you I just think that you’re wonderful
This year wouldn’t have been the same if I didn’t have you as a friend And my insecurities came to the boil when your pretty face came around the bend And I don’t know why I have to have a heart attack every time I go to tell you the truth The truth is if I told you from the start you wouldn’t have been so confused
Yeah tonight the fireworks will make a big noise and the colours will look pretty in the sky And the dogs will bark and think the worlds blowing up and the teenagers will start running wild And my friends will party to the break of dawn with their lovers by their side And the reality of me and you together is futher away than the horizon line
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2. |
Underpants on fire
03:02
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Well we got our things together and we were ready to go
Hit the open highway down the long lonesome road
We were thinking about the cat,
but leaving our worries at the doormat
By the time that we got there it was getting quiet late
We could hear the people rocking by the front gate
We knew it was gonna be fun
But the party had just began
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
Well we woke up in the morning with our heads in a daze
But it didn’t stop us rocking when we hit the main stage
There was people tapping their feet
And grooving on down to the beat
We did another show and more people rocked up
We were even able to tame some young teenage hearts
At the height of our stardom and fame
I didn’t want to stop the train
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
At this point we wanted to try something new
We tried wearing funky hats or taking off our shoes
We thought if we could burn our underwear on stage
That would be cool
We just did another gig and recorded it too
So we did our 7th gig in the space of 2 days
And our singer was feeling sick from his alcoholic ways
The crowd was thinning out
And the people started to doubt
Whether to come to our show on the final day
Will they return to form or fade away?
But they got there and waited in line
And baby we just blew their mind
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
I wanna take you higher, higher, higher, higher
C’mon baby we can blow your mind, with your underpants on fire
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3. |
Possum
04:15
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On the 8th day of august, a mother possum did cry Found her husband on the wire, up in the sky electrified She said gather round all you possums, before we all wind up dead She got all the animals together and this is what she said
Keep your tail, keep your tail, keep your tail up in the sky If you ever go walking on a wire, keep your tail up by and by
Well weeks went by and another and more possums started to stray Mother possum saw a baby possum on a wire on a sunny day She said get down there young boy, you’re really in trouble now Seen as though you’re walking on a wire, I better tell you how right now
So the young boy was walking on the line and all the other possums watched But he keep his tail up like she said and avoided electric shock And when he got down all safely all the possums cheered him on And when they asked how he did it he told em how it was done
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4. |
The laundromat song
04:07
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Well ya walking down the road,
With ya clean clothes that you hold
All your coins go jingle jangle
You’ve got dollars from your hips to your ankle
Put a dollar in and watch it spin
When your drying your clean clothes
People tend to leave the show
But you’ve got your banjo on your lap
And ya playing tunes down the Laundromat
Put a dollar in and watch it spin
Got your wallet from your pocket, dollar in the slot then you rock it
Watch it spin all night long you can watch it spin til the early dawn
Can’t stop watching it spin
Then a guy walked through the door
And I don’t think his seen a weirdo like a you before
And I knew that he was thinking something
But we both started singing
Put a dollar in and watch it spin
It just goes round and round, makes a humming kind of sound
It sits right next to the washing machine it’s a whole lot better
than a gambling machine
I just can’t stop watching it spin
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5. |
Smart phone
04:51
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Friday night I was dancing to your song, girl you got me thinking you and I should get along. You got the moves that giving me the shakes Girl I think you’re something I can relate too, girl you got me thinking nothing I want to debate, so lets take it easy. Let’s do a little dance, lets take it easy, let’s have a little romance.
But when I try to contact you you’re phone doesn’t seem to work, it’s a shitty situation and it’s getting on my nerves. You got the buzz got the crackle but I really want you to do is call me. Just call me. If you’re phone is able to do that, yours can do everything else but you can’t even talk on the bloody thing…
So we decided to have some lunch, and you’re went ring and I said yeah What did you say. Said you wanna get it fixed but it’s gonna cost too much. As much as a new one that coming out next month, I said ooh yeah tell someone who cares. You said you do care I said yeah well it’s very important.
Then my phone rang so I picked it up I said what ya doin’ tonight, yeah 8 o’clock so good. I stood up from my chair pointed at my phone and said I’ll call you, I can call you. Cause my phone is able to do that. Yours can do everything else but you can’t even talk on the bloody thing.
So while we were out just having some lunch, some guys came over and said that we weren’t alone they said “I dropped my phone in the toilet” “I split some beer on the screen” I felled it out of my pocket” “mine’s nowhere to be seen” “mine just won’t turn on” “mine went crazy when I was playing a song” “had mine and I almost died” almost died when I saw the phone bill.
Excuse me guys but let me tell you a story, I dropped my phone out of a ten story building, I went to the ground, put my phone back together and you could still call me. If you’re phone is able to do that, yours can do everything else but you can’t even talk on the bloody thing.
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6. |
Tall trees
03:10
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Tall trees in my town I miss the tall trees I used to hang around I haven’t been home in oh so long, I miss the tall trees where I’m from
Looking up at you in the air, the sun in my eyes but I don’t even care My eyes start to water when I stare at all the leaves falling through the air.
Making me smile all the way home, if I could I’d call you on the phone But I know that it wouldn’t work when your up there and I’m down in the dirt.
Oh the yellow sun and the silver rain I got my eyes peeled against the window pain The mountains high and the rivers long, I’d walk many miles just to walk along.
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7. |
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Jordie Lane and Jordy Lane are two singers
With the same name
I went to see Jordy Lane but Jordie Lane was playing
A confusing situation
What a shame, one had to find a stage name.
One spelt with a ‘y’ and the other with an ‘ie’ but that
Couldn’t set them free
I don’t know how old they are or who’s mother thought
Of there name first
A Musicians curse
It would’ve left me broken hearted
Jordy Lane you poor bastard
Like the actor Joh Howard if John Howard was an actor
Some say that he was
Or like the musicians Ryan and Bryan Adams
One spelt with a ‘b’ one spelt with a silent ‘B’
What a shame one had to find a stage name.
So the one from Sydney Jordy Lane got a stage name
Called Shady Lane
But I don’t think he realised that Shady Lane
Is a tourist caravan park
Ah he’s done it again.
It would’ve left me broken hearted
Jordy Lane you poor bastard
If there was another singer named Tim Wooods
I’d have to call myself “Shit in the Woods”
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8. |
Western Man
03:41
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Just an old working man Memories like grains of sand Slowly slipping through his hand But he still remembers the union stands
A new job like a cheap thrill Better than working at the factory mill Moving concrete and old steel To pay the loan and doctors bill
Oh it sent shock waves, all around From the sky, it came falling down And over the years, you can understand But you don’t feel pain, like a Western man
Rising sun through the morning fog Shone on the workers at the crack of dawn All the men that time forgot 50 metres at the chilly top
Stand up with more work to do As the day turns to the afternoon Hammers echoed all around And came down in a funeral shroud
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9. |
Churchill Girl
04:07
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As I went out one evening with the hope for a surprise The barmaid I was facing had heard all my pick-up lines And the hall way was quiet when I began to stare And there she came though the doorway with her dazzling red curly hair
I made my way to dance floor for my 5th beer dance But the mirrors in the disco ball seemed too paralyse my pants All I could dance was the robot and I hope that no one would see There she sat on a bar stool with her eyes fixed on me
She’s the sweetest Churchill girl that ever knew my name I took her to the pondage with the power station puffing away And I starred at her with my Scorpio eyes as we ate lunch at charcoal chicken And I thought to myself man, she’s finger licking
I made my way to bar but she was talking to her friend Then some guy asked me how the weather was so I repeated myself again I gave him the information and he looked typically amazed And she sat next to them and told they were lame
She’s the sweetest Churchill girl that every knew my name I took her to Jeeralang hills where the clouds were insane We were gonna go to the noodle bar but I think that closed down So it was Charcoal Chicken and an up-side down frown
So when I woke up in the morning, I thought she was gone I didn’t know where my clothes were but I still had my shoes on And my head it felt like an earthquake and all I could taste was leather Then she came in with a coffee and I suddenly felt better
She’s the sweetest Churchill girl that ever knew my name I took her down the big dipper and put adrenaline through her veins I told her I liked her haircut and she told me she liked my hat She’s the sweetest girl in Churchill how about that? The sweetest girl in Churchill and that’s that
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10. |
Mulesing
06:22
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It’s a hot, hot day in summers masquerade The rain is falling down and the place is steamin’ To your surprise, in a thousand eyes These female flies are up for breeding
Oh the flies… Start laying eggs Oh the flies, way up high, start laying eggs…
Without the fear, the female appears She is ready and she not waiting An amazing sight, but not a sheep’s delight To horrible to even mention
The larvae form, then the maggots born Underneath the skin with out warning The sheep will roam, with no help or home If they get fly blown, death is glory
So all the lights are upon the knife To prevent fly strike but under scrutiny Mulesing is a short-term pain For a life of complete cruelty
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11. |
Lament
05:09
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You are the sun you are my sky my most peculiar thing I courted myself alone with you and gave you my wedding ring How the world turns fast, faster than I can see I was just a young man and now that young man is me.
Lament for you’re red hair, lament for your green eyes No regrets just a little lament, tonight.
We were making plans and holding hands as simple lovers know There was nothing in our world, just our own picture show Now looking out my window the world inside a frame There’s so much more to live for but I’d love you again and again
Two lovers hearts can never part when a lovers soul entwined You can leave me on my own; you can leave my body behind We’ll meet again someday on the outside of my dreams In the middle of the air laying next to my chair with your hair flowing like a stream.
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Tim Woodz and the Dirty Shoes Melbourne, Australia
Tim Woodz composes stories into upbeat folk songs, singing playful tunes about possums on power lines, getting stuck in Laundromats and smart phone's that don’t work. He is an engaging oddball performer who has raised more eyebrows than a facial hair farm, with dignity and good fashion sense, so come shake a leg or two with Tim Woodz and the dirty shoes. ... more
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